Monday, May 28, 2012

Genetic issues, a reader post

There has been quite a bit of attention paid to our coverage of harnesscrotchitis. We assure you that we will continue to examine the issue. In the meantime, one of our readers posted this story on our facebook page, and we decided it must be shared with the world.

"This is all true and the lady was nervous as fuck. I knew it was going to get weird at when she started off with 'am i speaking with a belayer?' The boy scouts are by far the weirdest group of people we have come in to the gym. Its not the kids so much but the parents who are involved that are weird and this phone call is just the perfect case and point."

Chas: "WRG this is Chas"
Lady: "Am I speaking with a belayer?"
Chas: "Yes this is a belayer. How may I help you?"
Lady: "This might seem weird but my husband teaches rock climbing for the boy scouts and when he wears his harness it makes his package sick way out. I am really afraid that the size of his package might scare the little boys and offend the parents."
Chas: (clears my throat) "well..."
Lady: "I've been in to your gym and noticed that when you guys are belaying your packages dont stick out nearly as much as my husbands."
Chas: <takes a breath trying to get a word in over her fast endless talking. You could tell that the lady was nervous about calling but also very concerned about her husbands offensive "package">
Lady: "I am just curious if you guys have any solutions to this problem?"
Chas: "Well, the first thing that I would recommend would be to never wear sweatpants or mesh basketball shorts if you are concerned with "package" protrusion. I would recommend wear some stiffer pants like jeans."
Lady: "I think he might have been wearing jeans but I am not sure. Could it have been the way that he was belaying? Do you guys buy special harness to prevent this type of stuff from happening? I mean you guys at the gym were barely noticeable and his was about twice the size."
Chas: "Well Ma'am, are you sure you are not dealing with a genetic issue here?"
Lady: "Uh yes, I dont think it a genetic issues....<pause> actually I can confirm that its not a genetic issues. <pause> So all that you are saying is the only way to deal with this would be to wear stiff pants." <I so badly wanted to tell her we sold medical tape behind the counter just for this problem and that taping it to his leg or tucking it back is how we solve this issue>
Chas: "Well, that is pretty much the only solution that I can come up with for you at the moment."
Lady: "How do you deal with this being a professional and all or do you just not care? Is it just something you deal with?"
Chas: "To be honest my main concern is that my package does not get caught between my leg loop and my leg. Also just FYI the harnesses are not the most flattering on women either. If you ever plan on belaying you might want to avoid wearing tight fitting pants because when you get certain upward forces you get things pulled up into areas that could offend people."
Lady: "Really? Good to know I never really thought of that. So its not just a guy issue?"
Chas: "No, not really."
Lady: "Ok thank you. You have been really helpful. Hope you have a good evening."
Chas: "You too. Bye."


  1. I like the part where she calls her husband peepee small

    1. Yeah, I think that's our favorite part too.