The other day in the gym I was having a session
Getting thrown off my project and feeling depression
In the corner of my eye, I spied some dude trying his darndest
But for some reason he was bouldering in a harness!
His red coyote lace ups were grasping for purchase
Every move he made was a lunge made in earnest
His effort was heartwarming but it just felt wrong
Why the fuck was he bouldering with a harness still on??
Dude, your ATC is weighing you down
And did you steal those shoes from a clown?
Do you just like how the harness bunches up at your crotch?
Like passer-bys at a car crash, I couldn't help but watch
I was on the verge of asking these questions out loud
When he fell and landed on his chalk bag, creating a cloud
As I coughed and hacked the magnesium carbonate air
I started to wonder If perhaps I was being unfair
I mean here's this guy who's genuinely trying
Its not his fault that he sucks at climbing
And thinks it's fine to wear a harness on V1
But you know what? Fuck it. Making fun is fun.
I turn to my friends and we share a little smirk
Then I flash his "project," just to be a jerk
You can call me a brat, a showboat, a rascal
in the end I know, I'm just a huge asshole