Friday, April 27, 2012

Asses Fund Honorees

The Asses Fund would like to recognize Sirs Benjamin Rutkowski and Kai Christense, two individuals who exemplify everything the Asses Fund stands for.  The two are currently being charged with reckless endangerment for erecting booby traps along a popular section of trail in Provo Canyon, Utah.  The two traps consist of a spiky pendulum, a la that scene in Home Alone with the paint cans, and a trip-wire that sends the victim into a collection of sharpened sticks.  When questioned by the police, they claimed they set the traps on the heavily-trafficked path to catch wildlife.

For innovating in the field of Wilderness Experience Deterioration with their Rambo-inspired antics and then lying to law enforcement about it, the Asses Fund is proud to recognize these men amongst men with the Dick-stinguished Service Award.  While the Asses Fund primarily recognizes climbers with its awards, the Dick-stinguished Service Award is given to any non-climber who goes above and beyond mere nuisance to ruin someone else's day in the wilderness

Upon completion of the trial and any subsequent jail time, the Asses Fund plan to bring on Mr. Rutkowski and Mr. Christense as Crowd Management Consultants, and look to expand implementation of their innovations to crowded crags across the country.

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