Monday, April 23, 2012

All These Kids Should Just Quit

Sure, Ashima Shiraisi can boulder V13 and Brook Raboutou has climbed 5.14 at the age of 10. And Enzo Oddo and Adam Ondra were climbing hard before they left elementary school. But they're over the hill now. Their best days are behind them. They should hang up their tiny shoes and join the rest of us in cursing the "kids these days" and join us in yelling, "Quit warming up on my project!"

Now, you may be saying, "What the hell are you talking about, Yeti? These kids are just starting to climb hard. Why, I bet Ashima will do a V14 as soon as she can count that high." And I will reply, "Why bother, when the next wave of young crushers is already hitting the gym and putting in the time to make this current crop of pre-teen mutants look like clip-fumbling gumbies?"

Who are these phenoms, you ask? Well I recently stumbled upon some leaked training footage from the most promising climber in this new cohort.


His strength-to-weight ratio is off the charts. His determination is unwavering, as long as he doesn't get distracted by a shiny object or loud sounds. The only reason he hasn't sent your project is because he can't walk yet. The only thing stopping him is naptime.

Give up already, you old fogie.

4 comments:

  1. As soon as he learns how to throw a heel hook that desk is going down.

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  2. Well, he needs the mantling core strength too... but soon... very soon...

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  3. get that kid on meth and we are all fucked

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  4. Soon to be local campus board hero

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