Friday, March 16, 2012

Why I won't tell my mother we're in Climberism

FUCK YEAH! Climberism ran a profile of us in their latest issue! We have thus completed steps 1 and 2 of the AC ultimate plan (Step 1: get blog. Step 2: get famous. Step 3: get laid). Under normal circumstances, I would immediately inform my mother of such a momentous occasion. However, something tells me that this is a bad idea. . .

Shoo: "Hi mom!"
Mamma Shoo: "Hello? Who is this?"
S: "Your esteemed and loving son"
M: "Wow two calls today?"
S: "Oh. Um, the other son"
M: "Oh hi shoo. Is everything ok? Are you hurt?"
S: "What?"
M: "You never call unless something is wrong."
S: "Oh. Uh, no. I have good news. I'm in climbing magazine!"
M: "They have magazines for that? Wait are you hurt?"
S: "Didn't I just say that I everything was ok?"
M: "I've just been reading about all those avalanches all over the place"
S: "Mom, that's in, like, Colorado"
M: "Well I don't know how this works"
S: "The US is divided into 50 sections. These are called 'states.'"
M: "Oh shush. So why are you in a magazine?"
S: "I've been working on this site called Asshole Climbers"
M: "Sounds like a porn site"
S: "Mom, it's not a porn site"
M: "I hear you can get arrested for that kind of thing"
S: "Mom."
M: "Don't tell your father."
S: "MOM!"
M: "What?"
S: "It's not porn!" <in head: 'yet. . .'>
M: "Ok fine. So what is this butt climbing or whatever"
S: "It's a blog where we make fun of climbers and are kind of assholes to each other."
M: ". . ."
S: "This did not sound as good out loud."
M: "You should have a lot of material anyway for making fun of people. Remember in 7th grade, when you had that stupid t-shirt? You had a lot of people making fun of you then."
S: "Ugh. Yes, Mom, I remember."
M: "You refused to let me cut your hair too. Maybe your should show your friends your pictures. Those are funny."
S: "Please no."
S: "Ah shit."


  1. You guys are awesome! Thanks for the laugh...and I totally had a worse haircut. I had a bowl haircut until my Junior year in HS. Wait, why am I telling you this?? I don't know you.