Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Pieces of Shkit Part 4: Smartwool Wind Brief

The Smartwool Wind Brief

Wind shielded underwear, for those times when you're really concerned with breaking wind.

Smartwool is clearly into space-age tech, using NASA microclimate research to ensure just the right humidity for crotch rot in any conditions. While everyone knows that a good chunk of cheese is the tastiest thing to have in mountains, I'd rather it not come from my pants.

Under what circumstances do my man udders need more wind protection than provided by, say, pants (translation for the crumpet munchers: trousers)? One could say that it is udderly baffling (source: Laffy Taffy inc., 1995).

Now of course, the reviewers here AC hold ourselves to a high journalistic standard, and as such are obligated to explain the scenarios in which such a thing is useful. When the inevitable apres snow sport naked whiskey romp happens, the additional warmth will give you a brief window of unshrunk time when the pantaloons come off, which will last right until anyone else starts looking. And who knows when you might have an impromptu open legged luge competition? It also happens to go fabulously well with another AC favorite: the down skirt. Could also double as an emergency balaclava.

Fortunately, the product works as advertised. AC Labs has tested this product thoroughly, using our lab assistant, a windtunnel, and a ruler. Relatedly, AssholeClimbers.com is now seeking legal assistance and a new lab tech.

1 comment:

  1. What's up assholes? Wind briefs have been around for years and really are not meant for climbers. If you have ever been nordic skiing someplace like Wyoming on a windy day you would sell your left testicle for some.