Monday, January 16, 2012

Pieces of Shkit, part 3: BiWire Carabiner

Exposing the cliptorus
BiWire, Rock Exotica

Rock Exotica has, appropriately enough, made the world's first carabiner that swings both ways. Hidden beneath the BiWire's sexy little red dress is an opening that is v-shaped, insanely complicated to use, and best for use with protection. It's like high school all over again. Ah who am I kidding. I didn't get any in high school.

The BiWire is straight up twatacular, and it looks like Rock Exotica agrees. Here are a few key quotes taken directly from the official manual, with neither context nor apology. We at AC.com would also like give a shout out to Rock Exotica for basically writing this post for us. Thanks guys! You are the George Bush to our Daily Show.

Rated kN-31 for strong sexual content
  • Moisture, ice, salt, sand, snow, chemicals and other factors can prevent proper operation or can greatly accelerate wear.
  • You must always have a backup-never trust a life to a single tool.
  • Do not use around electrical hazards, moving machinery or near sharp edges or abrasive surfaces.
  • It is intended for use by competent and responsible users that are specifically trained and experienced.
  • Only the loading in the "OK" box is allowed.
  • An incompatible connection can cause accidental disconnection, breakage, or affect the safety function of another piece of equipment.
  • Closure must not be blocked by foreign matter.
  • Regularly inspect and monitor your system, confirming your equipment is always properly positioned.
  • Clean if necessary with fresh water, then allow to dry completely. Light surface corrosion may be removed with a wire brush (no power tools). Retire if corrosion is heavy. A light lubricant may be applied. Store in a dry place away from extremes of heat and cold and avoid exposure to chemicals.

2 comments:

  1. This is one of the funniest climbing-related things I've ever read. It actually exists.

    ReplyDelete
  2. "You must always have a backup-never trust a life to a single tool".

    That's what she said.

    ReplyDelete