Tuesday, January 3, 2012

No, I won't pass your girlfriend's belay test. . .

. . . and if you don't shut the fuck up, I'm gonna fail yours too.

I'm talking to you, the asshat wearing underarmour and basketball shorts with the girl who just painted her 3 inch nails. Yeah bra, Imma fail the shit out of her, and it's tots your fault.

I know she "did this once in high school," and you gave her a "refresher" in the parking lot. She doesn't know what she's doing, and neither do you. The couple of times you've top-roped in the gym and once at Quincy Quarries with your university's outdoors club doesn't qualify you to teach anyone anything. You're trying to impress her with your macho 5.8 rock-climbing skillz, she's trying to pretend she gets it to make you happy.

It's the blind leading the blonde.

No, I'm not going to take my entire working night teaching her how to belay. I'm busy keeping people safe and happy, you're busy making yourself look like a jackass. Stop being a dick, go boulder for the evening.

To the girl: ditch the dude. He'll never really be a real climber anyway, and I'm way better looking.

10 comments:

  1. when he does make it to the bouldering area he'll be over-beta-ing the poor woman (put your foot on the red one, the RED one!) and forcing her to take make videos with her phone of him climbing v3 (true story, happened last week).

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    1. Please please please tell me you still have this video!

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  2. Real mature... If it posses a safety hazard you obviously need to instruct the girl. Being judgemental is so benign. Pull your heads out of your asses and get real, everyone starts somewhere - even if they are dipshits.

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    1. Ya, most places have actual classes for that. Depending on where you go, you can't just show up and expect free instruction from some random employee. They have other, probably more important things they need to do. Like help people who are actually interested in learning to climb, cleaning the mess the birthday kid left in the bathroom, and reminding the parents of birthday kids friends that it's not okay to let the kids stand directly underneath climbers/tie all the belay ropes together/have a chalk fight in the bouldering cave.

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    2. Nah, this is just amateur hour. I told a gal once that the floor of the gym is built on top of 8ft of styrofoam with big air bubbles in it, and that you could take a 100ft fall onto it and maybe twist your ankle. She believed it for two weeks until she was talking to one of the staff and he almost stroked out from laughing so hard.

      We need more injuries in the gym, not less. That keeps them from making it out to the crag unless they have the right stuff.

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  3. This just makes you a jackass to. Yes this guy you describe is a pathetic loser but so are you. I hate people in sports who look down on people who just started like they are weak and stupid and shouldn't even try and this person is you. Everyone starts from the beginning at some point even you. You were in the same position as these two at one point before and didn't know how to do anything. Quit being the jackass and teach them. This is the exact attitude that makes pretty much every sport suck

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  4. Just what I was thinking. Type A fucking know it all superior to all Capital A Attitude. Try a little humility, it'll help you make some real friends instead of posers.

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  5. The Blog is called AssholeClimbers... What did you expect?

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  6. bahahaha asshat.

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